Be My Valentine!

As it’s nearly Valentines Day it seems appropriate to turn our attention to love!

It must be quite daunting to find yourself back on the dating scene after so many years.  I have friends in this situation who have had very mixed experiences of meeting new people - in the main from internet dating.

I listen with amazement to their accounts of their brief encounters and the feelings and insecurities  which tend to go with the territory.

As we pass the 50 mark we tend to be more set in our ways and maybe are less tolerant and less willing to compromise.  This is evident from the conversations I have had recently. Here are  common themes coming from my friends

-       - We are very different creatures physically from what we were in our 20s. My friends describe how they are worried about their bodies and looks and lament the passing of time and the effect on their once youthful lovely complexions.

-      - This is only one side of the encounter as the ladies also despair of the people they meet who make little effort in trying to make a good impression rarely do they give good reports of their dates. Lack of grooming, and hygiene and terrible teeth are cited as the more unpleasant observations. Whatever happened to those young people who used to spend hours getting ready to go out on the town? So much attention was paid to appearance back  then

-      - Profiles on dating sites are a challenge as stating your real age may put people off finding out more about you – so my friends without exception shave a few years off their real age and funnily enough are quite indignant when they find that their dates have done exactly the same thing!

I have 2 friends in particular who have had problematic experiences…..

-       - one is 61, looks far younger than her years, is glamorous, well dressed, intelligent and of independent means. She tells me of some men who think they are gods gift to women and make it clear that they have so many women  to choose from even though they do not pass the attractiveness test on any level.  Some are mean and scrupulous about making sure you pay exactly half of any expenditure – even buying a drink! We have laughed about making sure she takes enough change on her dates!  One of the worst aspects is that the men  think you are desperate and have a cavalier attitude and...... have high expectations!

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-    - The other is 54 and very attractive, very bright and has held senior positions in many large organisations. She has had difficulty meeting people and so used an internet dating site.  I remember very clearly the profile she showed me of an attractive man who seemed to have everything.  My first response was “what’s the catch”.  She met him and liked him and one thing led to another. Throughout their courtship she gave me accounts of their relationship which I found very worrying.  He said and did things which I thought did not give the impression of a man in love and who cared for her. As a third party I could stand back and see things coldly and rationally.  Although the man claimed to be wealthy I was concerned that she did not part with any money to him.  She assured me she wouldn’t but as time went by her resolve weakened and she is now fighting to reclaim a significant amount of money from him.  She feels very foolish and let down and says she will never trust anyone again.

      Exercising caution is vital and bad experiences hopefully make us wiser.   No matter what age you are you can still make a poor choice!

    

      However it isn’t all doom and gloom. I have friends and relatives where dating in later life has worked very successfully. One met through a lonely hearts column, another from internet dating and another from an organized dinner party for singles where you moved round the table after each course so you could have a reasonable conversation time with several people.

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      For those who are happy and settled I think its important to still keep romance alive and to make sure that you both maintain standards so you still remain attractive to each other.  I am a firm believer of although they say opposites attract - similar people have more in common and the love and friendship endures.  Many have said of my husband and myself that we are so different and questioned whether are relationship would last - but little did they know
    - in very many ways we are so so similar  - in terms of values, work ethic, interests and humour. After 23 years together my husband still tells me every day he loves me and that he couldn't do without me............isn't that what it's  all about?                      ..........awwwww :-)